in this week's nonsews:
big disconnect between action and consequences, the more it is rutted in time. between action and future is disconnect, between action and past it is blurry/burry? an effort has been made to go from learning to understanding. one way, well an important way is to make a (single) rut over and over. another great way has been i've been taught, is to turn from the many connections to an abstraction (vagueness) to a visible object within arm's reach. think like a baby, sting like a bee. not that, never mind.
a big realisation about something that steadies the wheel has been that when the environment is so damn x the reinforcing thought comes unbidden. unbidden! like in stories! it seems though that the more i share this joyous news, people trip over themselves and conjure the opposite in spite of themselves.
but it is hard to keep things inside a book. many things to pour into right now.
a conundrum:
if a thing has frayed because of another thing that is changing but has been stuck in the same motion for many years, any discussion about contingency planning fails, because that is still planning, and that's slyness and wanting the best of both worlds, wanting to rock in my chair while continuing to deliberately let fray. what is even interesting? i never understood. i want to flesh this out later.
one thing is to make things. i think nothing better than just make and try to make well. fucking blinders on.
another is of course, let someone else do the planning. and yet another thanks to being in a city i guess, this has always been the case somehow, is to slip into a cult. idols have passed through. yes it's funny yes it's not.